Just thought I would share some of the things that I find very important to teach my children everyday.
I guess I'm writing it down to remind myself how important this is and to just keep going though I feel at the moment like giving up and it's totally ineffective. One day there will be fruit and I need to trust that God will do His job and I need to do mine. This is like a pep-talk/reminder to myself and I figured I'd share so you can keep me accountable.
1. Connor just said to me today that if someone is mean to him and hurts his feelings he will put them in a cage!!! I kindly reminded him that that's not what we do in this house. If someone is mean or unkind to him, the Mahon house will be loving to them anyway. It is not our job to punish someone elses' sin. We try to be like Christ in our house and Jesus loves you no matter how many times you are unkind to and disobey Him. You are responsible for you, your actions and your attitudes, NOT the behavior of others. Their wrong doing can not and will not constitute wrong behavior on your part, at least not in this house!
2. We are teaching our sons how to sit still and when we do our family devotions, they have to pick a spot (on the couch, in a chair, on the floor, in a laundry basket, under the table...), wherever it is, they have to stay there while daddy reads a short story. I don't think they really hear the story and it is such a struggle to get them to remember to stay seated and not talk while daddy is talking but I keep telling myself that this is good and when they are 5 & 6 and able to sit still and silent while we read devo's and they can actually absorb them, it will be worth it. People say that they are little and can't sit still and quiet for 10 minutes but that is just wrong. They can sit utterly still and quiet for a 30 minute winnie the pooh video... so they are not incapable, they just lack desire. Well, they will learn to control that.
3. I love that my boys want to help me! They get joy from helping! But lets face it, at 1 and 3 they are totally in the way when I am trying to clean the kitchen or fold laundry! I find myself in a hurry to do a lot of things these days and cleaning tends to be one of the whirl wind things that I like to do as fast as possible. I've had to lately really remind myself that there are more important things than being able to finish the dishes before we need to leave for somewhere. Yes it's annoying to have to come home and clean 'old' dishes but it's more important for me to train my sons that helping mommy is WANTED and NEEDED and a delight. I tell you what, when they are 14 & 15 and getting up from dinner and headed straight in to do the dishes without being asked, I will be VERY grateful that I took the time to train them right.
4. As much as I think my children are the cutest and most adorable things ever I've been trying to remind myself that I don't want them to find their identity or approval in the fact that they are cute. I try to compliment them on things that I want them to strive to achieve and work to do better. Let's face it, an 8 year old boy that's trying to be 'cute' is just kind of annoying. Now an 8 year old child who's trying to be kind and respectful is awesome! I try to cuddle Connor and give him affection while telling him what a sweet boy he is and tell him how proud I am of him for being respectful and kind to his teachers and grandmas. Those are the things I want him to strive to do in order to gain approval, not be hansom, cute or funny (although he is those things anyway :)).
5. When I compliment my boys on their achievements (i.e. you're so smart! you can run fast! you are strong! good job coloring!) I try to remind them that those are physical gifts that they have been given from the Lord. I will compliment them and then ask them how they were able to be that smart/strong/fast/artistic. I am trying to train them to realize that those are abilities that they have because the Lord gave them that ability! I try to remind them that 'God gave you a good brain and made you very smart!' or 'God gave you some strong arms!' or 'God made your legs pretty fast didn't He!?' or 'You are so blessed that God gave you so much creativity!' I have to remind myself that self-esteem is a secular concept that has you find your worth in yourself, but lets face it, we are imperfect and we will let ourselves down and not be good enough for something eventually. If their foundation and sense of worth come from God and what He has created them to be, there is no flaw or let down. They are perfectly the way that God created them to be. If God didn't make you athletic, that's ok, He has another purpose for you. If you aren't a good public speaker, that's ok, God has another purpose for you. I really want them to see, as they grow up, that the abilities they have and the ones they don't have are divinely orchestrated by God for His purposes.
6. It's important to me that my boys see that a relationship with Christ isn't just something that we do every now and then. I want to be the same person in church and with my church friends as I am when I'm at home or with secular friends. I want to be adhering to the instruction I'm giving them to be kind, be unselfish, and be respectful. I need to be the model of 'thinking of others' before I think about myself, of sharing and giving even when I don't want to. Yes it's VERY annoying when I have a cup of juice and they want a sip and I know that the backwash will be flowing... but how am I suppose to tell them they have to share with their brother when I am hording my things from the children. Sigh... if I can't share, I shouldn't have it. I'm not saying I have to give them sips of my coffee... but when it's something that I don't want to share for selfish purposes I need to either let go of my selfishness and be an example or abstain.
7. I need to make sure that I am putting their father first. The best thing I can do for my boys is love their daddy. I need to make sure that I am showing him that I love him more than our off-spring. I need to make an effort to show him I'm glad he's home when he walks in the door, I need to make it a priority to listen to his voice above theirs, I need to model the respect I want them to have for him. I can't promise my boys that they will always have a physically stable life, they/we could go through a lot, I don't know, but I CAN promise them that I will always love their father and they do not have to be concerned about that. In today's society riddled with divorce, it's a very real thing for the household to be unstable, I will not do that to my children. They also need to know that I am a woman of my word. I have made a commitment and covenant to their father and I will keep that. I want to model and be the kind of woman that I would want them to marry someday. Love is a choice and I need to choose daily to love him first in our family.
8. I want my boys to know that they are prayed for. We have made it a part of their bedtime routine to pray for them for about 5 to 7 minutes. We pray that they will be men of character, integrity and purity. We pray fervently for their salvation. That they will realize that they are sinners and need a savior and that the only hope they have for eternal life in heaven is through Jesus Christ. I pray that the Holy Spirit will draw them to himself at an early age and that they will grow in the Lord and their desire for him. I pray that they will understand the certainty of perfect forgiving love and that they will be men after God's own heart. We pray that they will learn to obey their mommy and daddy and honor their father and mother. I pray for their future wives and children. I don't pray that the Lord would keep tough times from their lives but I do pray that when hard times come, they would be drawn closer to the Lord and their faith would be made stronger. We pray for health and provision for our boys and that the Lord would keep them pure and they grow. I want them to understand that we rely on the Lord for these things and trust Him to give them to us/them.
9. I want our boys to be grateful and not have a sense of entitlement that we find so frequently in our society. Yes I absolutely want the best for my children! I love to make them happy! I love to bring a smile to their face and never want to see them cry but at what cost? When my son has a bad attitude because he can't play on my phone should I just give it to him? Absolutely not. I try so hard not to reward bad behavior and tantrums but it is exhausting. I think they know when I'm run down and that's when they like to push and pitch fits. I have to, have to, have to push through the exhaustion though and stand firm, instructing and correcting, lovingly. I can't allow them to think that an emotional melt down will get them good things. I can't teach them that if they whine and complain enough they will get their way. I can't passively instruct them to take advantage of people (mommy) who are tired and weak and bully them into compliance. If they are going to complain about their toys or their snack, they can lose it. They are not harmed by being deprived of something non-essential. I also don't want to reward bad behavior with a bribe (i.e. if you stop crying we'll get some ice cream). That just teaches them that those behaviors get them good things... not in my house! The only thing that rebellion and disobedience will get you in this house is swift discipline. I have to make them understand that they do NOT rule this household and they are not in charge.
10. I need to be consistent. If I punish one boy for being unkind I need to punish the other one, two minutes later for doing the same thing. I need to make sure that I am disciplining blatant sin every time. It seems excessive to correct the same thing over and over again, especially when you have a kid in the terrible two who just LOVES to say NO! to every command... but if I want him to learn it needs to be corrected, every time. I'm not saying disciplined but corrected. Silence is approval and I have to remember that when I just ignore his little rebellion, he puts another brick in the wall of 'this is ok behavior' that will just take more work to tear down with instruction later. I have to fight my own laziness for my children's sake. It is so much better for them to know the boundaries and to know the consequences when they cross those boundaries. We've been trying to teach them that all action and attitudes have consequences, good actions produce good consequences and bad actions produce bad consequences. Your consequences might not come right away but they will happen because we have a just God and that's how He designed it.
This is not an exhaustive list but just some things lately that I try to remind myself of and make a priority.
I'm sure there are a million things I could add to this list but for now, these are my struggles.
I need to stop focusing on myself and my comfort and focus on the task that the Lord has given me to do in raising my children.
